


Masks

by Keres



Category: Original Work
Genre: Depression, Loneliness, Masks, Original Fiction, Self-Doubt, life - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-02-09 11:41:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12887112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keres/pseuds/Keres
Summary: Loneliness and the feeling of lying to oneself for the sake of society. Probably a one-shot, might have more chapters.





	Masks

The morning sun made its way through the blinds gently pulling her from dreamless sleep back into the harshness of reality. As her eyes slowly opened, she was met the muscular expanse of skin of the chest she was using as a pillow. Her gaze slowly drifted upwards toward the strong jaw now supporting a light dusting of stubble. Lifting her head from his chest, she gaze upon the face of the still sleeping man with short honey colored hair. She lingered on his shielded eyes as she tried to remember the color of his eyes. Where they a soft blue, a soul consuming brown nearly black, or a piercing green? She found that in all of their meetings she still couldn't recall their color. Briefly lamenting the fact that it was not a detail she took time to commit to memory. 

Deciding she had spent enough time studying his sleeping form, she slowly slid from the bed and the heat offered by his body into the cold embrace of the room. The lonely motel room was small, but served the purpose of giving the couple a neutral bed. She had no doubt that if this room could talk it would tell of many such meet ups along with any number of other sordid tales. He had offered many of times to move their arrangements to a more upstanding venue, but each time she insisted that motel served their purpose. The only thing they were meant to be to each other was a distraction from the loneliness and cruelty of the world. That was why she kept insisting on this motel anything more would offer a false sense of hope that maybe they could be more, and as it stood it was becoming harder and harder to slip away.

As she was dressing, she wondered what it would be to return to his side and wait until he awoke. Not wanting to give herself time to act upon that impulse she made her way toward the door quietly and quickly slipped out into the cold bitter morning air. She made her way to the parking lot, where she walked past the black luxury car, which was out of place in the motel parking lot, toward her sport bike. 

She ran her fingers down the subtle curves of the bike wonder why he kept meeting her. He could do so much better than her, she would just be a blemish and eventually a skeleton in his closet that would come back to haunt him. He needed a woman who had a bright and glimmering future. A woman who knew what she wanted and would be able to give him the support he needed. A woman with the social upbringing to survive his world. Even if he didn't say anything she knew the man yearned for something more from her, yearned for that emotional connection she refused to give. Each meeting trying harder and harder to pry details of her life out of her, give her gifts, and try to pry open the doors she had sealed shut. 

With that linger thought, she walked her bike to the road as to not awaken her partner. Casting one last glance at the door, she straddled her bike wondering if she should return to his arms and see how the morning went. No sooner than that thought crossed her mind she dismissed it with a violent shake of her head and started her bike. Soon the only things that registered were the pavement rushing by and the cool morning air biting into her skin. She felt her guilt lessen, the voices of doubts quieted, and she was alive. This was the freedom she yearned for a sense of who she was meant to be. 

In this brief moment there was no need for the masks she wore throughout her life, a different one depending on the company or event she was required to be at. Each mask was carefully sculpted presented the facade necessary to succeed or at least get by without making waves. While they were all slightly different, they always hid her true feelings, thoughts, ambitions, and pain. Each day she dawned the appropriate mask, and each day she felt she lost a little bit more of herself. Conforming to what society expected and it made her want to scream, but even that she tamped down because it would be inappropriate. In the end, she hated herself more and more each day for her actions and cowardice.

All too soon the ride and her sense of freedom came to an end as she pulled up in front of her small plain apartment. Shutting off of the engine brought the weight of the world back down on her shoulders, and she swore that her shoulders hunched a bit more from this added weight. Fumbling with the keys she entered her home. After locking the door, she started toward the bathroom, leaving a trail of clothes as she went. Each piece removed was an act of shedding a second skin, part of a lie she wore that day. Entering the shower, she let the scalding water beat down upon her as she wondered if she would ever find who she really was again. She came to the conclusion that like how she no longer felt the heat of the water, she could no longer feel where one lie began and where one ended. There were too many lies layered upon other lies.

At some point, the water turned cold, and she reluctantly ended her shower. Stepping out of the shower, she wrapped herself in an worn towel, and made her way to her bedroom. Standing in front of her closet she did not see clothes instead she wondered which costume and mask she needed to adorn today.


End file.
